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JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — First to five. First to three in a row.
Kevin Durant is still doing unbelievable things on the basketball court, and is being rewarded off it. The Duval superstar averaged 38.75 bones in four games last week en route to his fifth Player of the Week award. "That boy good," owner Matthew Fairburn said. "We are blessed to have Kevin Durant in Duval just like we are blessed to have Alexander Smith as commish of this league." Tired of making comments after a never-ending deluge of great performances, Fairburn had nothing more to add. Smart money says Durant does. SHOREWOOD, Minn. — It's official: After several months of trade rumors, we finally have the first COMO swap.
Chaska (first place, 62 points) receives: • PF Paul Millsap ($4 million) • C Amir Johnson ($1 million) Rio (seventh place, 38 points) receives: • SG Victor Oladipo ($3 million) • SF Tyreke Evans ($2 million) The move was clearly done with Rio's future and Chaska's present in mind. The Rainmakers gave up stud forward Millsap (23.2 bones per game) and any realistic chance of making the playoffs in order to get ahold of Oladipo, a rookie and the Moose's best prospect. Chaska has been shopping Oladipo for the past two weeks, as several key players have gone down with injuries. Millsap adds a very productive scoring option to an already dangerous offense. "Victor is a great player, and we wish him a long and productive career in Rio," Chaska owner Joseph Fafinski said. "However, Paul Millsap's value with Al Horford out indefinitely — coupled with his cheap contract — was too good to pass up." Speaking for Rio owner Prince, general manager Brendan Halleron was very excited about jettisoning one of his best players for Oladipo. "Prince is pleased to add the Voodoo child Victor Oladipo," Halleron said. "He hopes he can bring the black magic to the team." After being in playoff position in December, Rio has slid all the way to seventh, and appears to be more interested in making a run for the first overall draft pick than a spot in the postseason. "It was time to set a standard in the locker room that we don't take s--- from anyone," Halleron explained. "Leave the garbage basketball at home." Who was bringing the garbage? "The entire team," Halleron said. JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — December was a constant deluge from Kevin Durant.
The Duval United small forward made it rain. And rain. And rain. He's dominated on the court, and now he's continuing his domination in the awards category. Durant averaged 36.18 COMO points per game during the month of December (including a 60-bone performance on Dec. 1) to collect Player of the Month, and then poured in 38.33 bones a game over three starts this week to grab his fourth Player of the Week nod. "At the beginning of the year, we told Kevin Durant he needed more Player of the Week awards than Fafinski has stuffed animals," Duval United co-general manager Joe Dreyer said. "We knew it wouldn't be easy, but he's getting there." After LeBron James edged out Durant and Kevin Love for October/November Player of the Month, Durant began stepping up his game, and has led the Bold City Brigade to second place in the season standings. "Seeing what Kevin has done for Duval over the last month brings a tear to my eye," Dreyer said. "But not the creepy kind of tears like Fafinski has while touching himself to Kevin Love highlight videos." ST. PAUL, Minn. — COMO's most exciting rookie played just five games in December, but he still made enough of an impact to run away with his second straight Rookie of the Month nod.
Minnesnowta's 6-foot-6 point guard averaged 28.0 COMO points in his five starts, significantly outpacing his competition. "You might as well pencil him in for Rookie of the Month every month from here on out," Chill owner Matthew Taylor said. "The kid is a stud." Very few rookies are even getting minutes for their teams. Kansas City's Trey Burke, Chaska's Victor Oladipo and Shorewood's Giannis Antetokounmpo are still a season or two away from making a significant impact on their squads' playoff runs. Not Carter-Williams. "He has already become a leader on this team," Taylor said. "Even though we've had a rough couple weeks I have the utmost confidence that MCW will help lead this team back to the top of the standings, where we belong." SHOREWOOD, Minn. — With the season more than half over, it's time for some free agency predictions. There are 16 stars who likely will not be with their current squads next year thanks to injuries, dumb contracts, underperformance, etc.
Need a point guard? This will be a fun summer. Want an upgrade at small forward? Not so much. POINT GUARDS Stephen Curry — Newport Beach Projected asking price: $35 million Open market starting price: $18 million Steph is the most likely to be re-signed out of this group of 16, but rumor has it that Newport Beach owner Peter Mayer would like to get the injury-prone guard’s contract off the team’s books. If the Grizzlies make a playoff run, expect Mayer to hold on to his superstar. If not, though, Curry could be on the open market. Kyrie Irving — Duval United Projected asking price: $33 million O.M. starting price: $17 million $30 million seemed like a logical sum to pay Irving in the auction draft. The third-year guard was poised to make a superstar leap, but his new coach’s anemic offense has held Irving back. The Duke product could still be a COMO superstar, but a pay raise is not coming his way this offseason. Derrick Rose — Rio Projected asking price: $29 million O.M. starting price: $15 million The biggest gamble in the auction draft, Rose sputtered out after playing 10 mostly awful games in Rio. He might fetch double figures with a free agent deal (starting price will be $15 million), but he could also end up being passed over at that price and sent to waivers. Ricky Rubio — Minneapolis Projected asking price: $21 million O.M. starting price: $11 million Everyone really wanted Rubio to work out, but his consistently bad shooting has held back Minneapolis. Solid defensive statistics and assist numbers keep him in his position group’s top 10, but that is not enough to warrant a $21 million sinkhole in the Player Haterzz’ cap next season (especially when Mike Conley is putting up similar numbers for much less money). Deron Williams — Chaska Projected asking price: $19 million O.M. starting price: $10 million Talk about a money suck. Whether Williams has been on or off the court this year hasn’t mattered much. Chaska has almost been better off with its premier point guard injured. Tony Parker — Kansas City Projected asking price: $11 million O.M. starting price: $6 million Parker was a good idea this year, but hasn’t performed up to his amazing levels of last season (25+ bones per game), and looks to have regressed. Things aren’t getting better next season. SHOOTING GUARDS James Harden — Shorewood Projected asking price: $40 million Open market starting price: $20 million Similar to Curry, Harden will be a tough decision to let go. The No. 1-ranked shooting guard has been good this year, but his production (24.4 bones per game) does not warrant the third-highest contract in the league. A starting price of $20 million will kick off an intriguing bidding war this offseason. Kobe Bryant — Minnesnowta Projected asking price: $14 million O.M. starting price: $7 million Bryant seemed to be one of the biggest bargains in 2013-2014. Only $14 million for a veteran who could average around 25 bones a game? Alas, Bryant flopped after coming back from injury, and is now shelved for an indefinite period of time. Dwyane Wade — Hollywood Projected asking price: $13 million O.M. starting price: $7 million Wade will simpy not be worth the money next year, especially with his penchant for sitting out games (and throwing off COMO owners’ rotations). SMALL FORWARDS Nicolas Batum — Newport Beach Projected asking price: $21 million O.M. starting price: $11 million Overpaid from the start, Batum has played decently well this season, but owner Mayer will breathe a sigh of relief when he gets his $20-million-plus number off the team’s books. If Newport lets both Curry and Batum go, they will be major players in free agency, and have an outside chance at signing an Irving/Harden combination. Josh Smith — Kansas City Projected asking price: $13 million O.M. starting price: $7 million Smith is not a bad player, but a good example of someone that isn’t worth his salt (and certainly not $13 million). His numbers are easily replaceable this offseason. POWER FORWARDS Dirk Nowitzki — Minnesnowta Projected asking price: $23 million O.M. starting price: $12 million Nowitzki has been a very good veteran player this year, but his cap hit will be too much for the 2014-2015 season. His new contract won’t be too far under $20 million, but it’s hard to ignore Father Time. Larry Sanders — Newport Beach Projected asking price: $10 million O.M. starting price: $5 million One of this season’s biggest flops, Sanders will probably find himself on the waiver wire next year. CENTERS Marc Gasol — Kansas City Projected asking price: $30 million O.M. starting price: $15 million Gasol has been the biggest reason for Kansas City’s demise. Not because of his play on the court, but because of the significant time he’s missed with injury. Owner Jack Nowland could bring the big man back at $30 million, but it’s a tough decision. Joakim Noah — Shorewood Projected asking price: $20 million O.M. starting price: $10 million Noah is simply overpaid. He’s played well (21.5 bones per game), but his production is not high enough to warrant a pay raise next season. Nikola Pekovic — Shorewood Projected asking price: $9 million O.M. starting price: $5 million The big man from Montenegro has been the epitome of a solid post player this season, but cheaper labor can be found. JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Perhaps the strongest organization is the one with the most secrecy.
As small forward Kevin Durant picked up his third COMO Player of the Week award, it's clear that Duval United is excellent on the court. And, given the team's talented roster, the front office is apparently doing its job. But what, exactly, is going on in Jacksonville? The only media contact made this season has been with general manager Matthew Fairburn. Co-manager Joe Dreyer has not been heard from, and no one has been able to watch the team's games this season due to a strict blackout rule enforced by owner Shad Khan, who watches games live with only select family and business associates. "Khan's strict system completely contradicts the idea of 'Duval United,'" Chaska owner Joseph Fafinski said. "In reality, he is a soul-sucking big corporation. Small-market teams like Chaska help this league thrive. Nobody wants to play in front of evil Khan." When approached with questions about Durant's performance, Fairburn responded with a cult-ish statement he wrote for both his owner and star player: "Thank you based Durant for the blessings you have bestowed upon the fine people of Duval," Khan's statement read. Durant's "response" was similarly eery, with odd insults thrown in at the Green Bay Packers (Fafinski's other sports property): "Thank you based Khan for founding this franchise in Duval County and not Appleton, Wisc. or some sh-thole like that," Durant's statement read. "My POW honors are the least I can do. We're gunning for that cheese d-ck Fafinski." |
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